Do you ever go through random spouts of uneasiness?
Kind of like a lingering comfortableness that doesn't really appear to have a source or starting point?
Do you ever get that way?
Where you feel as though you have just walked into a room of people you do not know, and you just don't know where to put yourself?
Entirely misplaced.
While I don't get this feeling often, it does occur from time to time and leaves me restless, easily irritated, and more insightful than usual. It seems to appear out of nowhere and sometimes, disappears in the blink of an eye. Yeah, I feel as though these feelings stem from a multitude of things. One of the main things I feel derives these feelings is the idea of
permanence.
That sounds strange, I know, but as I was thinking about it last night, I came to find that nothing pushes me out of my own realm of comfort quite like being faced with situations in which a permanent conclusion needs to be made.
Naturally, there is a sense of certainty that you need to have when making choices or facing situations in which a permanent solution, consequence, or verdict needs to be made. Even more so, making choices and being able to feel COMFORTABLE about that decision. I would say most people sometimes lack that certainty, I being one of them. Frankly, its natural.
Now I'm not saying in order to be certain, you need to know the RIGHT thing to do every time you have to decide something, I am just suggesting that in order to keep peace in your mind when making choices, you need to have a confidence that you are making the BEST choice you can make for you at the time. An understanding that you only know what you know now and whatever you decide to do is best for the state you are at in that exact moment. I don' think its easy for people to see it that way, because it is kind of odd.
I know I struggle with this sometimes, but doing the opposite doesn't exactly fix problems either.
I think the problem I personally posses is that while I don't ENTIRELY lack a certainty in decision making, I try to compensate by attempting to project every move I can make.
I suppose saying that is a little over generalized, because I do feel fine about almost all choices I make. But, at times like this when I really begin to question why "permanence" really throws me out of my natural orbit, I begin to really disect the nitty gritty parts of my mindsets because it gets me EVERY time.
The way I see it, the way to deal with permanence most effectively, is to choose the option
NOW that will give you the LEAST amount of regret LATER. Its become a philosophy of mine. It doesn't always help me, but its become the baseline code for me to process decisions.
Every choice I make is a direct reflection of how I believe it will either add or take away from the (hopefully) successful and ideal future I want for myself. It seems to make sense you know? When you think about it, this would seem like probably the safest way to approach life. I acknowledge the potential for failure and unhappiness, investigate the options I have to prevent it, and eliminate it before it even has the chance to even reveal itself; what I have come to find, a bulletproof plan. The funny thing about this is, even though its a nice system to filter out poor choices, it doesn't evade PERMANENCE.
How humbling.
Just when I feel like I have tricked this world out of handing me difficulty, I come to find it is one step ahead of me, ready to show me another side. But this is good, because without difficulty we have no opportunity to learn and no experience to help us grow and expand our understanding of life and the ways it works.
I came to find even the most brilliant plan to aid me in good decision making 101 STILL does not get me off the hook for having to deal with living the results of
1 choice
without totally knowing its implications. You can't predict everything!
My main problem does not lie within the making of the choice, but the ability to live with only one set of results. Sometimes, you can do something in which you get the "best of both worlds" and don't have to make a choice in which you are choosing one thing over the other. Most of the time though, we do not get this lucky.
Here's how it goes.
You are presented with a few scenarios that you can choose, all leading to different destinations. Perhaps you want both, but one path prevents you from reaching the other. And no matter what either path holds you choose, you have to continue walking down the one you DO choose, regardless of how dark, windy, or messy it gets. That is a truly scary concept for me. You make a choice, and you have to live with it, and give up the possibilities of the other one.
What I am learning to deal with is that concreteness does not have to be so looming. I have been fearful of committing to anything that I cannot turn back on in fear that I might become unhappy and can't get away from it. I saw a tattoo the other day that read, "life over regrets" and I think this is a very, very good thing to remember.
You don't want to run away from anything permanent for so long that the only thing that becomes concrete is the uncertainty. To me, having uncertainty become the only permanent thing in life is far more eery than that of willingly making a choice and living with its CERTAIN results. Living away from regret is not living. That is no way to actually THRIVE!
If we want to get the most out of this life, we need to swallow our spinach, reveal our muscles, pull up our big kid pants, and charge the future like we know we can seize it.
Because we can.
This damned fear of making the wrong choice, or living with a permanent choice and regretting not taking the other option you had once been presented with is a poisonous thought process. There is no such thing as "what could have been" because what could have been
will never exist.
You could torture yourself with what another choice could have done for you, or made you but at the end of the day, you really don't know if that choice that may seem appealing way longer after you chose not to take it would have actually hurt you more.
What ifs are pointless, unrealistic, and a useless way to deal with the permanent style of this life. Life is HAPPENING. THINGS are happening. Don't let life just happen to you. Put your damn foot down and be confident in choices you make and make those choices work for YOU. You may not always make the "right" choice or the "best" choice (whatever that EVEN means) but what you CAN do is when you make a choice, you MAKE that choice. And DEAL with it. The GOODs and the bads. Good things can come from any choice or decision you make. Seek permanence as a chance to get a grip on life, not as a thing to avoid.
Its hard.
It will take experience, a lot of trial and error, and a lot of faith to let go and DEAL with everything you do and take FULL accountability for it. Don't turn your head back the second you make something certain. Instead, put a lot of thought in BEFORE you make your choice. That makes living with your choices easier, and more peaceful. Think before, that way you dont stress after. There are so many times in our lives where making a permanent decision will be the best thing you can do. Marriage, college, house buying etc. You will have to make a choice and live with the goods of one thing, or the goods of another.
Opportunity Cost.
What's worth what?
All I can say is I personally am trying to learn to adapt better to situations in which I feel I am losing control when in reality I should be taking control. Making a decision isn't about giving something up, its about gaining something FOR GOOD. Something certain, reliable, and CONCRETE. Something you can build on, and count on. That's a VERY good thing for a person to have. And with that thought, comes a little refuge for an analytic mind.
Close your eyes, breathe, and embrace the chance to have something solid because YOU choose it to be that way. Its a powerful feeling, yeah? Permanence is ominous from a distance, but up close, it should be seen as a sanctuary for foundation and consistency. That doesn't make it easy, or fun all the time, but consistent; something you can prepare for and expect. And remember, nothing is TRULY TRULY TRULY 100% permanent, but ideally, it would be nice to have everything work out in the long run. That is the goal we should work towards, and feel good about.
That alone will put your mind at ease.
But, chances are, you will have moments where things just feel
awkward,
strange,
out of place.
And there may be MANY different reasons this is so, but when dealing with the root of the feelings be ASSERTIVE. Make a PERMANENT choice to keep them away. It will help. And when those feeling resurface, and you find yourself feeling as though are are back in that room, standing in the midst of people you don't know, make the conscience decision to reach your hand out, introduce yourself and PLACE yourself there. That lingering uncomfortableness will disapate, and that uneasyness will retreat. Because with making decisions and accepting the permanent effects that come with them, you will feel a sense of control, a sense of belonging, and a sense empowerment that all comes from making that first move, accepting its presence and being willing to enjoy the ride it will take you on.
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