Loving.

I hated Love for a long time.
I couldn't figure out what it meant to love, or be loved.  Which was associated with Love?
I am not entirely sure why I felt so bitter towards it, but I disagreed with everything that love had been made out to be.
The way I saw it, Love meant you gave up rights to your own life, lost your Independence, and surrendered to the world that you were truly not complete without the bond of someone else.
That idea can be extremely threatening to certain people, I being one of them.  People that need to prove themselves for some reason they hold over their own being, perhaps as a token of proof against others who doubt your resilience, or maybe even people that had taken on a Love that fell short and felt that they gave up those things for nothing and now spend various amounts of time trying to gain them back.
Over the course of a year, I have realized that Love itself is an obnoxious thing to talk about.  Love has been shed in so many different lights that its meaning has been twisted and contorted so many times and ways that people don't truly know what they are talking about when they discuss "Love."
I feel as though "Love" isn't even discussed about, but GOSSIPED about.  I was very cynical about it, and began questioning what really composed "LOVE."
Is love giving up those things?
Is love defined as another persons happiness is your own?
Is love defined as a willingness to give someone up for the sake of their own desires?
Or is love just plain vague and people throw it around so they sound more in touch with emotions?
To be honest, I hate discussing Love as if its a person that needs defining.  You could spend hours trying to pinpoint how to achieve Love, or what Love is and still not grasp the concept of it or feel you didn't get it "right".
And even then, if you do manage to personally define love, you have just put yourself in a position to find a person that you can see yourself fitting into that definition.  And doing that could be very different than just LOVING them.  What if your definition is someone else's?  Or some one's expectation?  You could be at risk for finding someone you actually DON'T love so that you can put your mind at ease for others.
So seriously here,
WHAT?
WHY WOULD WE DO THAT?
AND
How ridiculous is it that people set a TIME limit on how long someone has to wait until they can use the word "Love?"  You know why I think that happens?  Because people are terrified not of LOVING but scared that they cant fulfill whatever strange definition they have set LOVE to be standard at.
When you are simply LOVING somebody, why should you have to wait?  Perhaps, in the natural act of loving someone, you say I love you because you find yourself LOVING them.  Shouldn't feelings of "Love" be natural?
And mind you, particular feelings that come natural and are
WONDERFUL AND UNIQUE?
No wonder people complain about love.
They are running in circles trying to figure out if they have the right definition or if they are truly in love when in reality its not something you can put to a test and get a pass/fail answer.
No WONDER
my newsfeeds and dashboards are filled with complaints and declarations about the complications of love.  Because we are SO afraid of messing up, or not fulfilling the expected way things "should be" that we find ourselves fighting the
naturalness
of it and trying to find an answer for something that shouldn't even be questioned in the first place.
Well.
THIS
is what I know for sure.
a) Love is not a person.
b) Love is not a thing you can hold and describe.
and c) Love is something that does not have one universal definition.
If something doesn't have a commonly accepted definition, perhaps that's a sign that its different for everyone and should stop being discussed and scrutinized and dissected.  Its specific to each person, not a one size fits all case.
Honestly,
Is it so hard to be LOVING and be LOVED in return?
We are fragile, some of us broken, some of us intact and some of us repaired.
We protect our breakable selves by using the power of definition to keep our feelings under control and in order.  But then, while we may accomplish this,
are we LOVING?  Or carrying out an organized set of procedures that are safe?
Sometimes, we must break to become stronger.  Sometimes, we must break to know what can stand.
If we define one concept that fits everyone differently, I truly believe that we are going to royally sabotage the possibility of just LOVING.
Honestly, What I find far more enchanting is the ACT of loving and the ACT of being loved in return.
You can't define LOVING because its just a thing you do, an action you carry out without a sense of obligation or acknowledgement.  You find yourself Loving.
You don't pass a LOVING test.
You will find yourself loving in moments that are easy.
or difficult.
You may find yourself loving and it might catch you off guard.
You can be LOVING someone and not feel the pressures that come with LOVE.
You may find yourself doing it without any complications.
ITS POSSIBLE.
No one wants to define Loving because the magic is removed when you start trying to uncover its secrets. Perhaps you understand what I mean.
No one wants to try and describe it because the act of loving isn't comparable and something you have to experience to understand.  Is it so far fetched that LOVE itself is this way too?  Love is just something you have to experience and become in touch with as your find yourself Loving in your own way.
Loving has no standards, rules, or checkpoints you have to pass to qualify you as "doing it right".  No one sets up marks you have to clear your feelings through.
You just do it.
Why should the supposedly greatest thing in this world be so damn complicated?
When there is no reason to make it so.  Just be loving.  Do LOVING.  Let go of this ridiculous need to put yourself in a box.
LOVING is not a level reached or a thing you have achieved.  LOVING is doing and LOVING is powerful.
Loving is easier.  I am amazed by how complicated "Love" has become.  I am scared to fall in love for my fear of falling short of the definition I will try to manifest so that I can make sense of my feelings and not be so fearful of the unknown.
But if I have learned anything, being scared is okay.  But its only okay if you turn it into something positive.  Determination, Motivation or Excitement.  Find your own desire to adventure into the unknown and I gaurentee you will find yourself barreling down the greatest adventure of your life.   This concept of "Love" and its ambiguity can make relationships stressful, questionable and nerve wracking as if its a daunting person looking over you waiting to interject between you and another.
But if you can turn to LOVING first, you will find that maybe LOVE will turn into whatever you create with someone else instead of something that has to be reached.
I have found that I no longer hate Love.  I can't say I fully understand it, but I certainly don't feel hostile towards the feelings of it.
Now, instead of Love being a preconceived expectation that is supposed to be reached, it is something that will be sculpted and colored and created based on your ways of LOVING.  Love is the pleasant surprise that forms from the acts of Loving.  Love is the endpoint.  Love is made.  Love is not a thing, or a person, or an expectation.  On the contrary, Love is the RESULT of expectations, and things, and persons. Love is the combination of you Loving, and you being Loved in Return.