Crash.
Crash.
I sat on the beach and watched a large clan of rocks get crashed into by waves. They were unwavering as the ocean pushed its powerful waves relentlessly into their sides, remaining steadfast and firm. In a way I felt bad for the rocks, getting knocked against time after time and never experiencing any relief from the oceans merciless current.
As I continued to look on, another thought dawned on me.
Those rocks didn't look sad, why those rocks looked SAFE.
They were safe in their spot.
They were ROOTED into the sand from years of staying in the same place and they weren't going ANYWHERE.
And not only were they safe, but they had this lingering pride out there in the water. A pack of medium sized rocks taking on the ocean was very David and Goliath and they really deserved to be commended for their bravery.
In a way they were lucky, cemented into the ground and armored, braced and poised to take on any of the elements of mother nature and come out unscathed.
They really looked proud.
How strange, I thought, that something so strong and attached to a safe place could be so valiant yet make me feel a pity for it all at the same time. I squirmed on the edge of the log I had perched on, trying to decipher why I was so concerned about the whereabouts of the rocks and if maybe my lack of sleep was starting to get to me. But just as I was about to get up and walk back to where the waters edge was, something interesting came to me.
Shit.
I'm kind of a rock.
And then I realized,
Shit.
A lot of people are rocks.
And no, I don't mean you spend your entire day sitting out in the ocean, digging your feet into the sand and yelling battle cries every time the ocean attempted to sweep you away. What I mean is we plant our feet into a vision, plan, or ideal and even when the waves of life crash into us, over and over, we remain stubborn in the different armors we put on and hold fast in our ways.
And hell yeah you best BELIEVE we plant those feet like our life depended on it because if the ocean were to sweep us away, we would leave our safe haven in the sand and be forced out into the unknown and vastness of a rather large, a rather ominous, and honestly, somewhat of an intimidating ocean.
What I'm saying is that there is a serious tendency among us humans to stick to one path for as long as we can if we know that we can sort of predict what will come from it and derive a sense of safety from it. If you have read any of my other posts, you have heard me say it over and over and over again that I am always "safe rather than sorry" and often fear making big and serious decisions that later might not be the best one I could have made.
But what I'm talking about now is something completely different. Our habits of making these plans and paving these indefinite paths for ourselves is anything but safe! Just because you make it out alive doesn't mean you took the safe route.
I personally like to think I can predict the future and everything that will happen in it and make present choices that are in accordance with how that ideal vision will be. In addition to all this, I loathe change, and I like to maintain whatever original idea I have for myself in all aspects of my life. These aspects bring me a sense of reassurance that I will always make good choices and be "comfortable."
I think we get content with just being "comfortable" and develop a serious allergic reaction to taking risks and dealing with situations in which we can't control how they will make us feel or what they will make us face (even if it could be good.) On a side note, these senses give us a wonderful ability to protect ourselves and set goals which is really great, but only if we are doing them because we are passionate and not because they are easy.
Because ultimately, there is a certain sadness that can come from turning a blind eye to the apparent tough parts of life. A certain sadness that comes from choosing a path or a plan because we fear being challenged, are too ashamed to stand up and change it, or because we are too BRAVE.
There is a certain type of lingering anxiety and frustration that is created when you know there is something better out there, but your fear of leaving the safety of your own plan keeps you away.
It's funny because, I, and I would venture to guess MOST people, like being brave.
I like feeling brave and I like appearing brave. Its makes me feel proud to be the person I am when I can prove I can maintain a plan or route even in the midst of life's surprises, blows, little waves, and big waves. I have this mindset that succumbing to the power of life's natural occurrences and its way of working out on its own is a huge sign of weakness and insecurity. This is also why I never create back up plans, plan B's, or alternative routes. It makes me feel obligated to uphold that plan, and simultaneously instills a pressure to not stray. I strongly believe that if I ever even thought to change or edit or tweak my great plan, my credibility as the proud, stubborn and steadfast human I worked so hard to create would be seriously questioned.
Most of all, I like feeling smarter than life. I like feeling like I can beat life's tricks, turns, and find a way to outsmart the giant waves that attempt to sweep me off my feet.
The catch here is that while those things are all legitimate concerns (mostly) and attributes that a lot of people posses, they are kind of backwards!
You aren't brave if you aren't trying new things, and you aren't "beating life" just because you push back on it equally as hard. Honestly, that just kind of makes you morally combative. (HAH).
No what I realized is the sense of pride should come from your ability to roll with the tide, not fight against it. Not letting life get the best of you, and not letting life push you around is what bravery is. Sitting there like those rocks isn't a sign of BRAVERY its a sign of being STUCK and UNWILLING to see anything the ocean has to offer.
And...much like those stupid rocks, a certain sadness comes from knowing your being chained to a way of existing forever. And knowing that its completely self inflicted!
This sadness grows not as the waves get stronger and more intense, but as the waves die down. As life becomes quiet, tranquil and weirdly agreeable, a sadness sets in when living your life morally combative. Have you ever experienced this? Are you one of those people where if you aren't dealing with something, running around doing something, fighting back everything that challenges you with all you got, you almost feel like you are alone? Or bored? Or vancant? Like you aren't living unless you are fighting, stressing, or overcoming?
Or does it ever just feel sad?
I get so fired up over life trying to throw me for a loop that when I look around and see that life and my surroundings are in accordance with the plan I am supposed to love and enjoy, I feel a sense of emptiness; An inability to enjoy the plan I had anchored myself too. Sometimes we get too attached to the drama a plan brings, and fear the silence that will ensue once we are done solving it.
Its interesting because at an early age, we are asked,
"what do you want to be when you grow up?"
Right here we start to form our plan. We get a premature dose of plan attachment as we continue to answer the same question until we are blue in the face. Do you know what I have always wondered?
Why not be lots of things?
Why can't our plans get changed up or why can't we take risks, or see sights or experience beautiful things? Why do we feel this attachment and need to plan everything out, predict everything, and worst of all feel like we are LETTING OURSELVES DOWN when we diverge or abandon that plan?
Now, not all plans are worth giving up and only you can know that, but sometimes you are going to miss out on seeing life play out naturally because you are too busy trying to control and fight off life when its trying to HELP you.
We need to let go. We need to let things happen.
We need to become things, not plan things.
We need to face spontaneity and embrace the unknown. We NEED to get hurt. I am so sorry to tell you, but until you get hurt, you are never going to know what it feels to FEEL. It will suck, but its a sign that you are a human, and you are capable of feeling things far BETTER!
You will not know the significance of something or someone making you feel alive until you have seen someone threaten to take it all away.
But its all part of the plan.
The unplanned plan.
The biggest mistake of life is living the plan of pride. Too much pride. Taking on an entire ocean by yourself kind of pride.
LIVE a life in which you don't limit yourself to what you COULD know by what you THINK you know.
Changing your plan isn't a sign of weakness. Changing your plan is the REAL sign of bravery. Take the hints from your own ocean. And let your ocean HELP you! Instead of fighting the waves and seeing them as an enemy, let the waves crashing into you act as signs that "you need to let go a little and let life take care of things."
Because while its mighty brave to face a vast life with an unwillingness to ever change, its even braver to face life and know that you may be humbled by what it can teach you.
Let your plan unravel, let it change, let it play a natural role. Loosen your grips on what you believe needs to happen and open your arms up to what could happen.
Let your plan get changed.
Let your motives and dreams change.
Don't let YOURSELF get stuck in a rut, and don't be too brave.
Because little do those rocks know, while the beach is safe, there is a giant ocean out there, filled with beautiful sites and amazing things and mysteries.
Those rocks are stuck there, but you aren't.
