Utterly Confused.

#
I am utterly confused and taking it out on you.
Nothing I write feels fitting,
But I don't quite feel like quitting.

There is a tension riding my veins
Galloping towards my heart
And my head.
Raising chaos in its wake.

Perhaps I am seeking out retribution
For a wrong I feel done to me.
Unwarranted.
Its possible.
Plausible.
Abhorrent.

I am utterly confused and seeking you out.
I am heartbroken and unsure what to do.
Fear has stood in for your absence.
Unsure how to miss you.

Do I miss you hard?
Soft?
Loud?
How am I supposed to sound?
What might ease,
Please,
Cease it?

I am utterly confused.
I am bruised.
Feeling used
Up.
I gargle the words I want to say,
And spit them out.
Let them swirl down the drain
I turn on the spout.

I want to fill the space between us
With words that sparkle.
Shine,
Words divine
Much
Like How
I feel inside.

I hold back.
Unsure if you want to be missed that way.
Do you?

I look to the mirror.

Water to my face,
Face to the floor.
Hands to cheeks.
Eyes to lids.

I'm utterly confused.
And
I guess
I'm figuring it out.

We can only do so much.

We can only do so much.
But we do so much
Only
To feel like our so much
Is enough.
Coming up short,
Facing
Short comings.
We can only do so much.
So much we can do,
For our only.
Trying to feel like their only
So much.
So, so much.
We try do so much.
We can only do so much.

Baring it.

I miss you more than I can bare sometimes
When I wake up in the morning
Disappointment crawls into bed with me
I ride a high
So high
Trying to rise above
The unbearable
But sometimes
I miss you so bad I can't bare it
I drink until the liquor fills the void you left
I drink in place of drinking you up
Letting it fill me up instead of you
Only to find there is a hole in the bottom of my glass
Where your hands used to be.
 I miss you more than I can bare sometimes
But I bare it
And bare it
And bare it
Until the next time I can't.

Warmer.

Warmer

You were warmer, it was warmer.
Our hearts were warmer.
Together,
Love swarmed her.
But up in the sky
No longer warmer
He warned her.
It'll be colder,
And harder,
There will be
No cutting corners.
With distance aside,
And time's hand forced,
To only move forward
So will I.
I can already feel it
Getting warmer.

Departing LA. The First Glimmer of Hope. 11/7/16