Saturday, June 15, 2013

3%

I don't think I believe in the theory that post high school, you will only talk to approximately 3% of the people you had been friends with.
While the number varies, generally its a very small percentage.  High School has been interpreted by most as a meager stepping stone,
an unnoticeable segway,
a time period you merely need to "get through"
so that you may pass go, collect $200 and advance to the "bigger and better life" of college.  Now I'm not here to dispute the enormity of a college experience, because the enjoyment that comes from new friends, Independence, and the enter into adulthood is incomparable and really, really not debatable.  I'm also not here to argue that you will or will not talk to people after you wave so long to your hometown and drive off to your college campus, but what I have come to find is that contrary to the popular belief, high school wasn't so bad.
However, the classes may have occasionally felt sub par, schooling systems a little erratic, and drama and immaturity a little more prevalent than any student would like, but I don't think its possible to see high school in its entirety until you are
past it.
And not just the day after you walk across the stage with your diploma, or the day you are dropped off in your empty dorm room, but the summer following the summer you graduate.
I attended a graduation party yesterday for a friend of mine who I had grown very close with over the course of high school.  Two of my best friends and I had come together, and were partaking in the usual festivities that we too had gone through for our own grad parties just one year ago.  What we unanimously noticed was how long ago it felt like we had been here.  It was truly surreal how OLD we felt as guests when in reality, we had never felt OLDER at this time when we had been hosts not too long ago.
We were filled in on high school life we had missed as freshman in college, and while we listened intently, I couldn't help but feel OLD.  I'm not old!  I'm only a year (and for some not even a year) older than all these people here and we had all been inseparable for our three years together. They began to talk about how excited they were to just get to college and get away from high school "life" and wow did it hit me.
I remember saying all those exact same things.
I realized that its not the AGE that made us old, I wasn't trying to assert my one year age difference on these graduates, but the experience of college aged us substantially and was something we realized no one else at this party could relate too.  As we heard them giddily talking about "finally getting away" I realized that was precisely what made me feel old.  I remembered saying that and now, after a year of turbulence in good changes and difficult changes, felt a new appreciation for staying close.
Upon returning from the year that I excitedly flocked to so that I may too "get away from high school life" I realized that while getting away from high school can definitely be justified, its best to keep in mind not to run too fast.
The people you meet in high school that you come to love and grow with transcend the sheer transitional period that high school is "supposed" to be. They play a far greater role in your life than just  people who help you "transition."  These people have helped me SURVIVE.  High school is easy, but its HARD.  I hope you know what I mean.
There is a far different relationship that is established within that of your high school friends.  Whether you come out of high school with a "usual crew of people" who had been together since day 1 of freshman year, or 2 friends who had been steadfast through it all, their company will always feel different to you than that of any other group you meet.
I guarantee you, you will not notice this until you experience a year of college.
You will meet some of the most amazing people in college.  People with vast experiences, backgrounds, and stories to contribute to the absolutely stupendous relationships you will create. And you will have these same qualities to contribute to them.
It will be incredible and different and meeting these people will be life changing.  You may know what I am talking about when I say this, or you may not quite be there yet, but you have everything to look forward to in a college experience, wherever you are going.
But, from what I have found, you will naturally take the original crew, or few steadfast friends for granted as you move through the summer together.  And honestly, its kind of inevitable.  Their presence is so expected and common that you will not see the unique, valuable friendships you have with these people until that usual presence and expected familiarity is gone.  Suddenly, you will not have the people who have known you in your most awkward years next to you, or the people who suffered through your breakup of your first love with you, or the people who naturally came together as they became exposed to the adult world with you.  You will never find people like THIS anywhere else.  People that you go through "firsts" with will naturally reserve a special place in your heart, and you wont know it until the people you start meeting
haven't been through firsts with you yet.
You'll have to start over, and the firsts you go through with them will be different. They'll be more grown up firsts, not the innocent firsts, experimental firsts, and truly enthralling firsts of just being YOUNG.
Chances are, you will find this out when you start college and find yourself not wanting to have to explain yourself to anyone.  Granted, meeting people is AWESOME.  But you will feel a pining for that high school nostalgia, the ease that came with it all, and will likely come to realize that those bonds are specific to that experience you "got through" together.
You'll miss them.
You may only talk to them a few times during your freshman year, or maybe every day or week or find time to skype.  If your high school experience is anything like mine, you will be able to see these people a year later with perhaps very little communication, and you will be able to revert back as if no time had passed.  And you will be OVERWHELMINGLY grateful for this.
The important thing to know is that these people are so important in who you became.  They saw you change, they saw you at your best, they saw you at your worst.  You only "get through" high school once and the people that helped you do it will suddenly become so much more important to you when no longer have to just "get through" something with them.  You will be able to reflect back, and laugh, and smile and feel a sense of comfort in knowing you all got through it TOGETHER.
When you can just be around them that summer after you all get back through college, you will feel a new sense of satisfaction in their company.  It will feel like the old days, but easier.  No more pressures from high school lingering over your heads.
You all can just BE.
And that doesn't sound like much, but that feeling is the reward for putting up with the crap that naturally comes with the high school experience.  That nostalgic reuniting is beautiful. You will look around at everyone and see changes in their face, maybe they've gotten taller, maybe they've matured (even better maybe they haven't).  But as you all return to your roots, and interact the same way you remember from high school, the same people you loved, broke up with, were broken up with, fought with, cried with, laughed with, celebrated with, graduated with, and grew with will start to show through.  Even after a year of growing, change, and drifting apart, you all will return to what you know best.  Being the friends that survived high school together.  And being the friends that made high school what it was together.  They will be more than the 3%.  They will be 100% of the people you were with in high school.  You will only go through high school ONCE. ONE time to experience proms, Friday night lights, small town rivalries, easy school, freedom to run around, and the comfortably of knowing that the experience you are going through together will be what KEEPS you together.  There will only be ONE group of people that went through high school with you.  Just like there will be ONE group you take to when you graduate college.  But high school is different.  Simple, and nostalgic.

There will be people you fight with, don't get along with, had your heart broken by, and fell out with.  You will have the chance to fix these problems, or move on.  HIGH SCHOOL HAPPENS ONCE!  Don't waste your precious time with people who aren't going to contribute to that feeling of friendship that comes from your own "crew" of people.  Focus on the people you will want to have the reunion with that summer after freshman year.  The group might change throughout the year, but I bet you will find yourself coming back to your original people.  And its great.

So don't forget about your 3%.  I mean maybe I do believe in it.  But when you think of that 3% think of it differently than "just staying in contact with like 6 people from high school."  These people are SPECIAL. Remember that as you move through senior year, or summer between senior year and college, and especially your freshman year.  Because if you appreciate this 3%, and make every effort to acknowledge the positive vibe that the group creates, you're going to find high school wasn't so bad.  You will be so thankful for that experience bringing you together with some of the best people who understand you far differently and deeper than anyone else will.  You may only talk to 3% of the people out of high school.  But if that 3% is your crew, your wing men, your best friends, your steadfast two some, than that is enough.  Because if you can create an atmosphere that indicates nothing has changed even after you all have embarked on your separate adventures post high school, than you are talking to 100% of the people that truly mattered.

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