Its a mess.

Its a mess.

I try to stand back and corrall it together but frankly, its a mess.

Convolution has comendered my head and I am at the mercy of its mania.  I can't recognize my own thoughts, much less identify with them.  My only warriors to fight off such enemies were Empathy and Humanity but with the relentless bitter destruction, Humanity weakened and vacated.  I now stand alone with a far too heroic Empathy, and find myself overwhelmed and cold.  I have never been at such odds with myself, and fear the worse side of me will prevail.  With my grasp loosening on the good side of me, I sit alone and try to compartmentalize.  I always believed breaking something down logically would be the only way to gain an upperhand against messes such as these.  But, my efforts are futile and I stand alone.  There is no logical explanation for this mess.  It was born from characteristics that are unfamiliar to me, but have aggressively made themselves at home.  Their sheer presense is clouding out the way I used to think, believe, reason.  It hardly seems fair, given they were not invited nor heeded a warning.  

Its a mess.  Wars ensued.  My mind is in constant confliction between what I would have done, and what is being done with my Humanity gone.  Nothing spawns more anxiety than losing touch of who you are, or the version of yourself that you liked.  But when you begin to succumb to toxic forces that your own warriors don't stand a chance against, how do you win?  How do you overcome a trial like that?  Do you?  Can you?  What happens when the the person you used to know becomes so disappointed, they can't bear to look at you anymore?  What will you be left with?   

Its a mess.  Its a fucking mess.