Utterly Confused.

#
I am utterly confused and taking it out on you.
Nothing I write feels fitting,
But I don't quite feel like quitting.

There is a tension riding my veins
Galloping towards my heart
And my head.
Raising chaos in its wake.

Perhaps I am seeking out retribution
For a wrong I feel done to me.
Unwarranted.
Its possible.
Plausible.
Abhorrent.

I am utterly confused and seeking you out.
I am heartbroken and unsure what to do.
Fear has stood in for your absence.
Unsure how to miss you.

Do I miss you hard?
Soft?
Loud?
How am I supposed to sound?
What might ease,
Please,
Cease it?

I am utterly confused.
I am bruised.
Feeling used
Up.
I gargle the words I want to say,
And spit them out.
Let them swirl down the drain
I turn on the spout.

I want to fill the space between us
With words that sparkle.
Shine,
Words divine
Much
Like How
I feel inside.

I hold back.
Unsure if you want to be missed that way.
Do you?

I look to the mirror.

Water to my face,
Face to the floor.
Hands to cheeks.
Eyes to lids.

I'm utterly confused.
And
I guess
I'm figuring it out.