I cared for you caring for yourself, and I cared for me caring for you. My body was swollen from how much care I felt for you.
My heart hurt from the weight I placed on it in the name of you. Fault not yours nor mine, but weight bared none the less out of the grey inbetween. I willingly hurt in the name of caring for you. The weight was still not as heavy as what giving up on you felt like.
My fingers hurt. My fingers hurt from erasing every damned word I tried to write that did not justify the enormous care I felt towards you. My hands hurt from holding yours because they had grown too weak to hold onto hope themselves. My hands hurt in the name of being that hope, and being something you could hold onto.
My mind hurt from you. My mind hurt from fighting for what you deserved. My mind hurt from wanting a happiness for you that you had misplaced in other things. My mind had become sore from wandering into places of light in hopes that you would follow. My mind hurt because I was searching on behalf of us both for the place where it gets better, and the place I would no longer have to hurt out of caring for you. The place you should have been all along.
My soul ached for you. It ACHED for you. It ached for every inch of pain you felt that could not be relieved. My soul ached for every regret you feel, every opportunity that escaped your grasp, and for every avenue you had surpassed in the name of what is smarter. My soul ached for the soul you could have. It pined for the feelings deep down you should feel. My soul ached for every bit of disappointment you found in yourself that could not be retrieved.
I cared so much that every bit of my being rang out in unanimous protest against the care I felt for you, the care you should feel for yourself.
I cared so much that I became the single buoy bracing a rampant storm. The single buoy keeping both of us afloat.
I cared so much because I hoped it would be enough.
I cared so much it hurt.
My whole body hurt.
.K SG C.
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